–Personal post alert–
My life has been a wander. Through ideas. Interests. People. My parents complain that I’m too random, that my views and opinions change every other moment. It was one of my old best friends who first talked to me about it seriously. We promised that we’d be there for each other always. Now, we don’t talk to each other.
Yes, I know that what I said till now has nothing to do with the title of this post. Why I said this is because, when I try to remember those days now, I feel that the then me is a complete stranger to the current me. I have written maybe six diary entries in my entire life, and the entry on 10th Oct 2015, the first eve of Effervescence, reads thus:
“I wonder, one year down the lane, at the arrival of another effe, about how drastically my life has changed. Then I wake up and realise that even time has it’s façades.”
One year up the lane, there lived a lonely, broken 18 year old who was still not over his first breakup, which followed his first relationship, a something that never should have happened in the first place (Read further down, I’ll come back to this point again)
Two years of entrance coaching, endless classes and work hard these two years and you can enjoy after that had charged up the rebel inside me so much that he decided to completely break free once it all got over. The first day with my hostel roommate, few minutes after we started talking, I asked him – Did you come here to study or to enjoy? After thinking for a moment, ‘to enjoy’, he answered. My smile said, me too.
And then I met her. Our class had a strength of 135 students, with a poor girl-boy ratio like any other engineering college. There she was among them, all trendy, looking modern, so unlike me. That was only the beginning of differences, though. I now wonder, did we have anything at all in common?
She was from Nepal, a DASA. Fashionable. Dancer. Extrovert. Find the antonyms of those words and you have some words that define me. It took me two days to find her name, by observing across which name she marked an X on the attendance sheet. I looked her up on Facebook and sent her a request. The next evening, I saw her standing at the fruit shop, walked up to her and acquainted with her. The same night we started chatting on Facebook. She told me about her. I told her about me. In the beginning, opposites do tend to attract. That Independence day, Aug 15, I entered my first relationship.
Cafeteria snacks. Waiting at PMC. Getting to know a lot of my batchmates just because of her. Sitting with her in class. Hating her friends group. Missing her flash mob. Apologising. More eating together. ‘Lighthouse^’. ‘Photon^^’. Beginning to feel something is wrong. Hoping everything is alright. Forgetting about our first month anniversary. Thinking she’s okay.
But she wasn’t.
She didn’t reply to my texts. I had no idea about what’s wrong. 3-4 days of pain. On Sept 19, we had our Fresher’s Night where I wandered like a damned soul, observing how happily she was enjoying the party while I was completely shattered. Finally, after the party, after having to fight off her friend who refused to leave me alone with her for some time, after my continuous questioning, she said it.
We both had done our share of rights and wrongs. We both deserved blame. From that moment, our lives diverged entirely. The hole made in her life by our breakup got filled quite soon by a senior. She was happy and cheerful again. As for me, I went back to a more bitter version of loneliness that I’m accustomed to, this time with an extra topping of pain.
One year down the lane, at the arrival of another effe, my life indeed had changed quite a lot. I learned to be in love with solitude. I explored new horizons. I moved a little closer to my dreams and made new ones. After a disastrous first semester, I decided to work well for 2nd semester, and it didn’t go in vain. Two major quizzes were conducted by me in my college during my 3rd semester. I am happy and confident, and I have stopped giving a damn.
The funny thing, though, is that I have changed my opinion about this relationship. Over a long period of time, I believed that this relationship was the biggest mistake and the worst period of my life. Though I still consider it as a big mistake from my side, I don’t hate that period anymore. It helped me get acquainted with the college quickly; I wonder how many decades it would have taken for me to do it on my own. Moreover, I laughed when one of my best friends here told me that there are still people who know me only as her ex. Not so popular, eh. The best thing about it, however, was that it was a once in a lifetime experience. And I believe that experiences are our biggest treasures.
^ Read : Her stupidity
^^ Read : My lame jokes